So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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