My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
