...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
