I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
