So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
