he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
