"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
