All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
