You smell like stripper and shame
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
