New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
