im drinking this country out of the recession.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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