I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
