So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
