your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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