Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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