I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
