i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
