I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
