mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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