I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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