I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
