Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
