you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
