I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
