Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
