that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
