I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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