Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
