Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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