Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
