i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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