her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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