Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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