She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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