Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
