If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
