If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
