Where did you get a picture of my penis
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
