I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
