turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
