Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
