i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
