This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
