There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
