I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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