i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
