I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
