someone threw a dead crab at me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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