so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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