i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
