so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
