I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I supernannyed him into submission
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
