Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We got so high we made milksteak
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
