You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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