If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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